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Various

"Washington Square Plays"


[The SERGEANT and DICK pull their chairs to the table, and begin
to eat.]
SERGEANT. Is this all we get? Come, it won't do you any good to
be stingy.
[Obviously, from now on, everything the SERGEANT says drives MARY
nearer madness.]
MARY. It's all I got.
SERGEANT. It isn't a mouthful for a chickadee! Give us some
butter.
MARY. There ain't none.
SERGEANT. No butter on a farm? God, the way you lie!
MARY. I --
SERGEANT. Shut up!
DICK. Have you got any cider?
SERGEANT. Don't ask. She and the man probably drank themselves
stupid on it. [Throws fork on floor.] I never struck such a place
in my life. Get me another fork. How do you expect me to eat with
that bent thing?
[MARY stoops with difficulty and picks up the fork. Gets another
from the cupboard and gives it to the SERGEANT.]
SERGEANT. Now give us some salt. Don't you know that folks eat it
on eggs?
[MARY crosses to the cupboard; mistakes the pepper for the salt,
and puts it on the table.]
SERGEANT [sprinkles pepper on his food]. I said salt, woman!
[Spelling.] S-A-L-T. Salt! Salt!
[MARY goes to the cupboard; returns to the table with the salt.


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