And
then, too, since she could not bring into play the deliberate glances,
charged with a definite meaning, which one directs, in a crowd, towards
people whom one knows, but must allow her vague thoughts to escape
continually from her eyes in a flood of blue light which she was powerless
to control, she was anxious not to distress in any way, not to seem to be
despising those humbler mortals over whom that current flowed, by whom it
was everywhere arrested. I can see again to-day, above her mauve scarf,
silky and buoyant, the gentle astonishment in her eyes, to which she had
added, without daring to address it to anyone in particular, but so that
everyone might enjoy his share of it, the almost timid smile of a
sovereign lady who seems to be making an apology for her presence among
the vassals whom she loves. This smile rested upon myself, who had never
ceased to follow her with my eyes. And I, remembering the glance which she
had let fall upon me during the service, blue as a ray of sunlight that
had penetrated the window of Gilbert the Bad, said to myself, "Of course,
she is thinking about me." I fancied that I had found favour in her sight,
that she would continue to think of me after she had left the church, and
would, perhaps, grow pensive again, that evening, at Guermantes, on my
account.
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