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?©tien, de Troyes, 12th cent.

"Four Arthurian Romances"

Now
all my pains will come to naught if I do not relieve this malady.
Take care not to conceal from me whether this is sickness or
something else." The damsel dares not openly expose her desire
in all its fullness for she is in fear lest she be disapproved
and blamed. And when she hears and understands how Thessala
boasts and highly rates herself as being expert in enchantments,
charms, and potions, she decides to tell her what is the cause of
her pale and colourless face; but first she makes her promise to
keep her secret and never to oppose her will.
(Vv. 3063-3216.) "Nurse," she said, "I truly thought I felt no
pain, but I shall soon feel differently. For as soon as I begin
to think about it, I feel great pain, and am dismayed. But when
one has no experience, how can one tell what is sickness and what
is health? My illness is different from all others; for when I
wish to speak of it, it causes me both joy and pain, so happy I
am in my distress. And if it can be that sickness brings
delight, then my trouble and joy are one, and in my illness
consists my health. So I do not know why I complain, for I know
not whence my trouble comes, unless it is caused by my desire.
Perchance my desire is my disease, but I find so much joy in it
that the suffering it causes me is grateful, and there is so much
contentment in my pain that it is sweet to suffer so.


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