Indeed,
if you would know the truth, he was so downcast that he held his
life in slight esteem. He wished to kill himself at once, but
first he uttered a brief lament. He makes a running noose at one
end of the belt he wore, and then tearfully communes thus with
himself: "Ah, death, how hast thou spied me out and undone me,
when in the bloom of health! I am undone, and yet I feel no pain
except the grief within my heart. This is a terrible mortal
grief. I am willing that it should be so, and if God will, I
shall die of it. Then can I not die some other way, without
God's consent? Yes, if he will let me tie this noose around my
neck. I think I can compel death, even against her will, to take
my life. Death, who covets only those who fear her, will not
come to me; but my belt will bring her within my power, and as
soon as she is mine, she will execute my desire. But, in truth,
she will come too tardily for me, for I yearn to have her now!"
Then he delays and hesitates no longer, but adjusts his head
within the noose until it rests about his neck; and in order that
he may not fail to harm himself, he fastens the end of the belt
tightly about the saddle-bow, without attracting the attention of
any one. Then he let himself slide to earth, intending his horse
to drag him until he was lifeless, for he disdains to live
another hour.
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