Pardon my presumption. But there was that in your
glances which seemed to tell me that you.... Your light! your truth!
I felt that I must tell you that I had ended by loving you. And to tell
you that I must first confess. Confess, go out--and perish.
"Suddenly you stood before me! You alone in all the world to whom I
must confess. You fascinated me--you have freed me from the blindness of
anger and hate--the truth shining in you drew the truth out of me. Now I
have done it; and as I write here, I am in the depths depths of anguish,
but there is air to breathe at last--air! And, by the by, that old man
sprang up from somewhere as I was speaking to you, and raged at me like
a disappointed devil. I suffer horribly, but I am not in despair. There
is only one more thing to do for me. After that--if they let me--I shall
go away and bury myself in obscure misery. In giving Victor Haldin up,
it was myself, after all, whom I have betrayed most basely. You must
believe what I say now, you can't refuse to believe this. Most basely.
It is through you that I came to feel this so deeply. After all, it is
they and not I who have the right on their side?--theirs is the
strength of invisible powers. So be it. Only don't be deceived, Natalia
Victorovna, I am not converted. Have I then the soul of a slave? No! I
am independent--and therefore perdition is my lot.
Pages:
435
436
437
438
439
440
441
442
443
444
445
446
447
448
449
450
451
452
453
454
455
456
457
458
459