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Quiller-Couch, Arthur Thomas, Sir, 1863-1944

"The Mayor of Troy"

"
"Who the devil may _you_ be?" Captain Crang interposed.
"That, sir," answered the Major with dignity, "is precisely what I
propose to explain. By an accident I find myself without a
visiting-card; but my name, sir, is Hymen--Major Hymen, sir--of the
Troy Volunteer Artillery (better known to you, perhaps, as the
Gallants), and Chief Magistrate of that ancient and picturesque
little borough."
Captain Crang stared at him for a moment with lowered brows and jaw
working as if it chewed the cud of his wrath.
"Look here," he replied. "You're the funny man of the troupe, I
suppose? Comic Irishman and that sort of thing, hey?"
"I assure you, sir--"
"And I assure _you_, sir, that if you come the funny dog over me,
I'll have you up to the gratings in two shakes of a duck's tail, and
tickle your funny ribs with three dozen of the best. Understand?"
The Captain paused, trembling with rage. "Understand, hey, you
'--' little barnstorming son of a '--'? Made a mistake, have I?
Cut your capers at my expense, would you, you little baldheaded runt?
By '--' if you pull another face at me, sir, you shall caper off the
yardarm, sir; on a string, sir; high as Haman, sir! I hope, sir,"
wound up Captain Crang, recovering his calm, "that on this point, at
any rate, I have left no room for misunderstanding."

It will excite no wonder that Mr. Sturge found the Major somewhat
irresponsive to his own jubilant mood.


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