"Never tell a lie--except for practice," is less successful than
the more popularly known "When in doubt, tell the truth." Out of the
latter maxim he succeeded in extracting a further essence of humour. He
admitted inventing the maxim, but never expected it to be applied to
himself. His advice, he said, was intended for other people; when he
was in doubt himself, he used more sagacity! Mark Twain has made no
more delightful epigram than that one in which he recognizes that a lie,
morally reprehensible as it may be, is undoubtedly an ever present help
in time of need: "Never waste a lie. You never know when you may need
it."
Sometimes in a humorous, sometimes in a grimly serious way, Mark Twain
was fond of drawing the distinction between theoretical and practical
morals. Theoretical morals, he would point out, are the sort you get on
your mother's knee, in good books, and from the pulpit. You get them
into your head, not into your heart. Only by the commission of crime
can anyone acquire real morals.
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