This was
now supplied. Hitherto, when it became a question whether she should
consider others before herself, she had, owing to an instinct in her
blood, chosen the way of self-abnegation. She often suspected that
others took advantage of this unselfishness, but found it hard to do
otherwise than she had always done. Whether it was owing to all she
had lately endured, or because her maternal instinct urged her to
think only of her as yet unborn little one, she became aware of a
hardening of heart which convinced her of the expediency of fighting
for her own hand in the future. Mrs Gowler's absence was the
immediate cause of this manifestation. Had she not loved Perigal so
devotedly and trusted him so completely, she would have left the
miserable house in Durley Road and gone to an expensive nursing
home, to insist later upon his meeting the bill. For all her
awakened instinct of self, the fact of her still deciding to remain
at Mrs Gowler's was a yet further sacrifice on the altar of the
loved one. Perhaps this further self-effacement where her lover was
concerned urgently moved her to stand no trifling in respect of
others.
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