She
lacked sufficient strength of purpose to cast anchor and abide by
the consequences. She deplored her irresolution, but, try as she
might, she found it a matter of great difficulty to give her mind to
the consideration of Harold's offer. Otherwise, the most trivial
happenings imprinted themselves on her brain: the aspect of the food
she ate, the lines on her landlady's face, the flittings in and out
of the front door of the "dust-cloak" on its way to trumpery social
engagements, the while its mother minded the baby, all acquired in
her eyes a prominence foreign to their importance. Also, thoughts of
Windebank now and again flooded her mind. Then she remembered all he
had done for her, at which gratitude welled from her soul. At such
times she would be moved by a morbid consideration for his feelings;
she longed to pay back the money he had spent on her illness, and
felt that her mind would never be at ease on the matter till she
had.
If only he would come down, and, despite anything she could say or
do, insist on marrying her and determine to win her heart; failing
that, if he would only write words of passionate longing which might
awaken some echo in her being! She read and re-read the letter in
which he offered her marriage; she tried to see in his formal
phrases some approximation to a consuming love, but in vain.
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