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L'Estrange, Alfred Guy Kingan, 1832-1915

"History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2)"


"Directions to cooks.--Never send up the leg of a fowl at supper,
while there is a cat or dog in the house that can be accused of
running away with it, but if there happen to be neither, you must
lay it upon the rats, or a stray greyhound.
"When you roast a long joint of meat, be careful only about the
middle, and leave the two extreme parts raw, which will serve
another time and also save firing.
"Let a red-hot coal, now and then fall into the dripping pan that
the smoke of the dripping may ascend and give the roast meat a high
taste.
"If your dinner miscarries in almost every dish, how could you help
it? You were teased by the footman coming into the kitchen; and to
prove it, take occasion to be angry, and throw a ladleful of broth
on one or two of their liveries.
"To Footmen.--In order to learn the secrets of other families, tell
them those of your masters; thus you will grow a favourite both at
home and abroad, and be regarded as a person of importance.
"Never be seen in the streets with a basket or bundle in your
hands, and carry nothing but what you can hide in your pockets,
otherwise you will disgrace your calling; to prevent which, always
retain a blackguard boy to carry your loads, and if you want
farthings, pay him with a good slice of bread or scrap of meat.


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