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L'Estrange, Alfred Guy Kingan, 1832-1915

"History of English Humour, Vol. 2 (of 2)"

"
The "Citizen of the World" cannot understand why there are so many old
maids and bachelors in England. He regards the latter as most
contemptible, and says the mob should be permitted to halloo after them;
boys might play tricks on them with impunity; every well-bred company
should laugh at them, and if one of them, when turned sixty, offered to
make love, his mistress might spit in his face, or what would be a
greater punishment should fairly accept him. Old maids he would not
treat with such severity, because he supposes they are not so by their
own fault; but he hears that many have received offers, and refused
them. Miss Squeeze, the pawnbroker's daughter, had heard so much about
money, that she resolved never to marry a man whose fortune was not
equal to her own, without ever considering that some abatement should be
made as her face was pale and marked with the small-pox. Sophronia loved
Greek, and hated men. She rejected fine gentlemen because they were not
pedants, and pedants because they were not fine gentlemen. She found a
fault in every lover, until the wrinkles of old age overtook her, and
now she talks incessantly of the beauties of the mind.
The character of the information contained in the daily newspapers is
thus described--
"The universal passion for politics is gratified with daily papers,
as with us in China.


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