I did long most anxiously for office, having made
up my mind a second time to look to it as a profession.
But I meant to earn my bread honestly, and give it up,
--as I did before, when I could not keep it with a clear
conscience. I knew that I was hustled out of the object
of my poor ambition by that unfortunate man who has
been hurried to his fate. In such a position I ought to
distrust, and do, partly, distrust my own feelings. And I
am aware that I have been soured by prison indignities.
But still the conviction remains with me that
parliamentary interests are not those battles of gods
and giants which I used to regard them. Our Gyas with
the hundred hands is but a Three-fingered Jack, and I
sometimes think that we share our great Jove with the
Strand Theatre. Nevertheless I shall go back,--and if they
will make me a joint lord to-morrow I shall be in heaven!
I do not know why I should write all this to you except
that there is no one else to whom I can say it.
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