No one could tell whether she
would be a ship the next morning. The look-outs were then set, and
every man was put in his station. When I heard what was the state of
things, I began to put on my clothes to stand it out with the rest
of them, when the mate came below, and looking at my face, ordered
me back to my berth, saying that if we went down, we should all go
down together, but if I went on deck I might lay myself up for life.
This was the first word I had heard from aft; for the captain had done
nothing, nor inquired how I was, since I went below.
In obedience to the mate's orders, I went back to my berth; but a
more miserable night I never wish to spend. I never felt the curse
of sickness so keenly in my life. If I could only have been on deck
with the rest, where something was to be done, and seen, and heard;
where there were fellow-beings for companions in duty and danger-
but to be cooped up alone in a black hole, in equal danger, but
without the power to do, was the hardest trial. Several times, in
the course of the night, I got up, determined to go on deck; but the
silence which showed that there was nothing doing, and the knowledge
that I might make myself seriously ill, for nothing, kept me back.
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