Against these sentiments on the
other hand I had to urge, that I had been designed for the church; that I
had already advanced as far as deacon's orders in it; that my prospects
there on account of my connections were then brilliant: that, by appearing
to desert my profession, my family would be dissatisfied, if not unhappy.
These thoughts pressed upon me, and rendered the conflict difficult. But
the sacrifice of my prospects staggered me, I own, the most. When the other
objections, which I have related, occurred to me, my enthusiasm instantly,
like a flash of lightning, consumed them: but this stuck to me, and
troubled me. I had ambition. I had a thirst after worldly interest and
honours, and I could not extinguish it at once. I was more than two hours
in solitude under this painful conflict. At length I yielded, not because I
saw any reasonable prospect of success in my new undertaking (for all
cool-headed and cool-hearted men would have pronounced against it), but in
obedience, I believe, to a higher Power. And this I can say, that both, on
the moment of this resolution, and for some time afterwards I had more
sublime and happy feelings than at any former period of my life.
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