My palaces, and
my gardens, and my jewels, my dress, my furniture, my equipages, my
horses, and my festivals, these used to occupy my meditations, when I
could only meditate; and have my determinations proved a delusion? Ask
the admiring world.
'And now for the great point to which all this was to tend, which all
this was to fascinate and subdue, to adorn, to embellish, to delight,
to honour. Woman! Oh! when I first dared, among the fields of Eton,
to dwell upon the soft yet agitating fancy, that some day my existence
might perhaps be rendered more intense, by the admiration of these
maddening but then mysterious creatures; could, could I have dreamt of
what has happened? Is not this the very point in which my career has
most out-topped my lofty hopes?
'I have read, and sometimes heard, of _satiety_. It must then be satiety
that I feel; for I do feel more like a doomed man, than a young noble
full of blood and youth. And yet, satiety; it is a word. What then? A
word is breath, and am I wiser? Satiety! Satiety! Satiety! Oh! give me
happiness! Oh! give me love!
'Ay! there it is, I feel it now.
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