Too well I feel that happiness must
spring from purer fountains than self-love. We are not born merely for
ourselves, and they who, full of pride, make the trial, as I have done,
and think that the world is made for them, and not for mankind, must
come to as bitter results, perhaps as bitter a fate; for, by Heavens! I
am half tempted at this moment to fling myself from off this cliff, and
so end all.
'Why should I live? For virtue, and for duty; to compensate for all
my folly, and to achieve some slight good end with my abused and
unparalleled means. Ay! it is all vastly rational, and vastly sublime,
but it is too late. I feel the exertion above me. I am a lost man.
'We cannot work without a purpose and an aim. I had mine, although it
was a false one, and I succeeded. Had I one now I might succeed again,
but my heart is a dull void. And Caroline, that gentle girl, will not
give me what I want; and to offer her but half a heart may break hers,
and I would not bruise that delicate bosom to save my dukedom. Those
sad, silly parents of hers have already done mischief enough; but I will
see Darrell, and will at least arrange that.
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