No feeling of false delicacy can prevent me from applying to
one to whom I have long ago incurred incalculable obligations, and no
feeling of false delicacy will, I hope, for a moment, prevent you from
refusing the application of one who has acknowledged those obligations
only by incalculable ingratitude.
'In a word, my affairs, are, I fear, inextricably involved. I will not
dwell upon the madness of my life; suffice that its consequences appall
me. I have really endeavoured to examine into all details, and am
prepared to meet the evil as becomes me; but, indeed, my head turns with
the complicated interests which solicit my consideration, and I tremble
lest, in the distraction of my mind, I may adopt measures which may
baffle the very results I would attain. For myself, I am ready to pay
the penalty of my silly profligacy; and if exile, or any other personal
infliction, can redeem the fortunes of the House that I have betrayed, I
shall cheerfully submit to my destiny. My career has been productive of
too little happiness to make me regret its termination.
'But I want advice: I want the counsel of one who can sympathise with
my distracted feelings, who will look as much, or rather more, to the
honour of my family than to the convenience of myself.
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